To be recited in a broad Lancashire accent.

My Aunty kath would always maintain
As long as she was alive
You never really learn how to swear
Until you learn how to drive
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Down at the new car showroom
The salesman was caught on the hop
He said "Why not get a new car for the wife?"
I said "Thanks - that's a bloody good swop"
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You may think yourself a good gambler
A card sharp or a bit of a joker
But never, ever, do card tricks
For the people with whom you play poker
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"Alcoholics anonymous is great"
Was Paddy's claim
"I still go out boozing
But under a different name"
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Taken from 'Shorts for all occasions', a book of one verse poems by Bernard Wrigley

Bolton, Bolton;
What do I know about Bolton... well it's in Lancashire and the locals have a wicked accent.
In 1968 I worked at a hotel in Great Yarmouth with two girls who hailed from Bolton. Pat and Margaret were their names, it was my first time away from home and We shared a chalet in the hotel grounds. I became good friends with them and would visit them in Bolton after the summer season ended. Pat became pregnant with a local Yarmouth boy who returned to Bolton with her to get married hence I would stay with Margaret and we would tour the pubs on an evening.
I remember the pubs when pubs really were pubs, especially Yate's wine lodge when there was sawdust on the floor. I remember the spontaneous singarounds in the snug and the delicious hot cornish pasties we would eat at the end of a session (none of these foreign takeaways then)

Then there's Bernard Wrigley, the performer from Bolton, I saw him last month at Wath folk festival, what a fabulous storyteller that man is, his trademark accent and humour are legendary.
www.bernardwrigley.com

Oh yeah, and my Bella has just got her first post degree *JOB* at an interior design company based near Bolton, and she doesn't get her final degree results for another two weeks yet!!!!
she starts on Monday so it looks like she will be living over Manchester way after all and WON'T be coming back to the "checkouts" to work this summer.